5 Questions to ask, before dating someone

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  • All marriages, including marriages of Christian couples, are never perfect and need a lot of work to make them work.
  • Getting married will neither make you “complete” nor “whole.” The only thing that makes us complete and whole is our relationship w/ Jesus Christ.
  • Choosing your marriage partner should never be based on the feelings of “love” alone. Feelings of love are the result of a good marriage, the result of self-denial, sacrifice, & forgiveness. Therefore, if you feel the tingling feelings of love, before you propose and change your Facebook status to “dating/engaged,” ask yourself these 5 questions.

The Big 5 Questions to ask before dating someone:

1. Do we share a common life purpose? Do we share common beliefs?

2. Do I feel safe sharing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

  • Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.
  • Feeling safe means “I won’t get punished for being honest.
  • An abusive person makes you afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
  • Be honest with yourself. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

3. Is this person someone who is a refined and sensitive person?

  • Does this person work on personal growth on a regular basis?
  • What does this person do with his/her free time?
  • Is this person materialistic?
  • Is this person serious about improving himself/herself?
  • Is this someone who is always striving to be good and to do the right thing?

4. How does he or she treat others?

  • Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or is he/she wrapped up in himself/herself and self-absorbed?
  • How does he/she treat people whom he/she does not have to be nice to such as waiters, taxi drivers, etc?
  • How does this person treat parents and siblings? Does he/she have gratitude and appreciation?
  • Does this individual show respect?
  • Does he/she gossip and speak badly about others?
  • You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

5. Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we get married?

  • Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve” him/her.
  • You can expect most people to change after marriage …for the worse.
  • If you cannot fully accept someone the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

As you ask yourself these questions, be honest to yourself. It is better to be honest to yourself upfront, than to build a building on top of a foundation that will not be able to sustain any weight or storms; for storms will come. They always do. 

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